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l.a. legal pad

Making It Rain

What do you get when you mix Nelly, Jermaine Dupri, Tennessee Titan's cornerback Pacman Jones, NBA All-Star weekend in Las Vegas, the "Minxx" gentleman's club, and a trashbag filled with $81,000 in cash? A visual effect known as "making it rain," a paralyzed bouncer, and 3 people getting shot.



In all seriousness, could this guy be any more of a poser? You throw your money around on a stripper's stage, to show how little it means to you. But when one of the dancers working for said dollars tries to grab some during the post-dance grovel/squat, you grab her by the hair and smash her against the stage? For taking the money you were only pretending to not care about?

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File This One Under Where Do You Even Find the Time



I should know better than to throw stones. My house is filled with nintendo products.

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My Mii Video

One of the features on the Nintendo Wii is the "Mii Channel," in which you can make caricatures that can later participate in the games. For example, if I wanted to put together a boxing match of myself vs. Justice Scalia, it would only take a few clicks of the wii-mote and voila: I'm beating up on a 71 yr old man. In my modest opinion, I've been pretty successful at creating these little guys, so I've made a little video of them for sharing. Some are originals, some are lovingly plagiarized, albeit with some tweaks. I'm not one who sweats copyright lawyers.

Comments and criticisms are welcome. There's 50+ there and it goes pretty fast, so buckle up.

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Phone Dump: January

While out and about, I'll snap pictures of the ordinary and mundane with my phone. When I decide it's time to clear out the phone's brain, I bring you the phone dump.


A large moose head attacks.


A cake Veronica made for Amy. Amazing!


Christina falling out of the attic at the La Salle house.


Buffmonster show. One of the few pictures from that night that doesn't have exposed nipples in it.


Amy at an Ipod vending machine.


Veronica's latest masterpiece for my dad's birthday. Note the hand in the top-right corner for scale. Those aren't A cups.


The aftermath.

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Barbaro Goes to Heaven

A photo I loved enough to steal from another site and share with you.

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Take the Deal

I've been saying this over and over, but I'll say it again. If you're ever on trial for a criminal offense and the assistant D.A. offers you a deal, take it. You don't want to risk having a jury full of people like this deciding your fate.

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35 Before 25: Non-Holocaust Revisionism or ReVision Quest, Part One

I'm still cooking up a better title for this, but when googling "Revisionism," it returned this. Hence, the awkward working title. I think I'm more partial to ReVision Quest at this point. That way, I could choose to say it's either an allusion to the Matthew Modine masterpiece, or a more esoteric reference to the native american rite of passage. It all depends on whether the person I'm talking to is wearing glasses.

There are some goals I've decided to strike. The first to go is the goal of purchasing one piece of clothes over $100 that is not a suit. Not because adventures in consumerism aren't exciting, but more because I've decided it's a more constricting challenge to assemble a wardrobe on a budget. It's like writing an italian sonnet, only gayer because of the distressed jeans. That said, fashion plate goals are temporarily suspended.

In its stead, I've decided to return to my roots and dust off the axe. My goal will be to learn five, previously unlearned songs on my guitar. I've decided to forget about composing any songs, as that was never my strong point. I was always more mynah bird than canary. This goal won't take long to accomplish, as I don't seem to have lost much in terms of dexterity over the last 7 dormant years. In order to make this more challenging, the songs will have to be from five different genres, eliminating the possibility that I could complete this goal by learning a half dozen Panic! at the Disco joints.

I can't even finish this post because all I can think of this returned result for Vision Quest.

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Yelp Review: Pinkberry

Just wanted to point out that this is a place you should visit. Happiness is a warm gun, and a cold yogurt, frozen.

Update: In the interest of full disclosure, Josh did projectile vomit non-stop the next day. I can't confirm or deny any connection to Pinkberry, but I was fine.

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35 Before 25: Go See at Least Two Concerts

I would like to dedicate this post to Guitar Hero II for the inspiration.

In my previous life, I loved going to shows. I then had one of my old man epiphanies. I think I was seeing the Blood Brothers at Chain Reaction in OC when I realized that I was one of the tallest people in the room. Then I noticed that I was one of the few who could grow facial hair. It’s hard for me to say exactly what brand of rock moves me, but it feels like passion for it is closely aligned to angst, technical songwriting and testosterone. I no longer have the teenage angst or the hormone overflow. I have a vague recollection of what it feels like to write songs. So what’s left? Bumping into sweaty strangers for a few hours?

The music is still there. I don’t feel like I latch on to the music with the same devotion, but I know I still enjoy the live music experience. I don’t care about fitting in at this point. I just want to know if I can rock. I don't have the hair to attempt some terrible indie rock haircut, as per the rock identity crises of this generation. So, what's the goal?

Go to two shows. If I'm into it, if I throw elbows, and forget myself for an hour or two, it could be the start of a rock concert revival for me. If I spend the entire time complaining about how loud it is, look for a quiet place to sit down, and ask the bartender if they serve lowfat milk, then maybe it's time for me to hang up my axe and tune the radio dial to the adult contemporary stylings of one Josh Groban. Or maybe Hall & Oates.

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