Pittsburgh is Hurting

They've called up a little known right-handed pitcher from Tatooine to help shore up their starting rotation.

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Haterade

I should write something with this much bite to it. From freedarko.com, my reigning favorite site for longform basketball prose, a response to Sarah Palin's RNC speech:

I know that Obama's fond of saying there's one America, and that reaching across the aisle is the key for salvaging our country and snaring swing votes. But after tonight, I'll say it: I have zero interest in being a part of a country that includes Palin, Rudy, their adoring audience, and anyone with whom that speech resonated. And honestly, I don't think I've ever been more embarrassed to be an American.

Great. That woman knows her family's names, is a friend of parents with retarded children, went to high school, is a bitch (sorry, "pitbull with lipstick"), hates a media that's refused to let her write her own script, and hates community organizers. That was Palin's "star is born" turn—one that proved, incidentally, that with enough applause lines, and rabid reaction that turns most of the other lines into applause lines, anyone can give a cohesive speech. Like using your baptism to pass a swim test. Bush is an imbecile, but at least he had a smart father. There's nothing here. A trashy hockey mom and her sidekick, the shell of a major political figure running on his ability to withstand torture. Which, if that's the measure of character, says a hell of a lot about our enemies in the war on terror.

Look, I've always acknowledged that I'm an elitist. I'm a faculty brat who got an expensive education, work from home, just got a printed copy of my first book in the mail, have health insurance, and live in a city that exists in a bubble of excessive liberalism. We have the world's only green ashtrays, for real. I've spent time on the East Coast, but also in the Southeast and Texas—albeit mostly in college towns. Until now, though, I've been predictably defensive about it. Now, I'll say it: If this is how the other half lives, I'm not at all ashamed to look down on them.

These people are vindictive, small-minded, stupid, arrogant, lazy, and manipulative liars. How they can be so hateful, venomous, and foolhardy, and then blast the Dems for not respecting them, is beyond me. I could give a fuck less about them, no matter how small their towns are, how virtuous they are, or how much they value weaponry (which I am currently stocking up on, thank you very much). Nor do I have any sympathy for someone out a job, or low on gas money, or having problems with insurance, if those speeches didn't repel them.

I hate to be a total asshole, but I don't think this what my great-grandparents came to this country for. It's not why friends of mine go to law school. It certainly has nothing to do with women trying to gain equality with men, or minorities getting a seat at the table. I'll take it even further than Robert Reich, who said the right lacks reason. I don't live in the same country as them, and am damn proud of it. Obama may not be perfect, and of course he's running a political campaign. But he's a thoughtful, genuine man with real intellectual curiosity, and optimism that makes even me want to stop sneering.

That's what America means to me. Not this bullshit. Obama's life is a Great American Story, and the American Dream—not this Matt Scully-spun nonsense. Give me evolution, urbanism, big spending, and a foreign policy that can read a map. If that's a problem, I'd be fine with someone seceding. Or leaving.