Sunday Thoughts

This isn't salaciousness for its own sake, there's a point to this excerpt from one of David Foster Wallace's less pedantic essays, "Big Red Son," about his experience at the AVN Adult Video Awards in Las Vegas, NV. Eventually.

Mr. Harold Hecuba, whose magazine job entails reviewing dozens of adult releases every month, has an interesting vignette about a LAPD detective he met once when H.H.'s car got broken into and a whole box of Elegant Angel Inc. videotapes was stolen and subsequently recovered by the LAPD. A detective brought the box back to Hecuba personally, a gesture that H.H. remembered thinking was unusually thoughtful and conscientious until it emerged that the detective had really just used the box's return as an excuse to meet Hecuba, whose critical work he appeared to know, and to discuss the ins and outs of the adult-video industry.

It turned out that this detective - 60, happily married, a grandpa, shy, polite, clearly a decent guy - was a hard-core fan. He and Hecuba ended up over coffee, and when H.H. finally cleared his throat and asked the cop why such an obviously decent fellow squarely on the side of the law and civic virtue was a porn fan, the detective confessed that what drew him to the films was "the faces," i.e. the actresses' faces, i.e. those rare moments in orgasm or accidental tenderness when the starlets dropped their stylized "fuck-me-I'm-a-nasty-girl" sneer and became, suddenly, real people. "Sometimes - and you never know when, is the thing - sometimes all of a sudden they'll kind of reveal themselves" was the detective's way of putting it. "Their what-do-you-call...humanness." It turned out the LAPD detective found adult films moving, in fact far more so than most mainstream Hollywood movies, in which latter films actors - sometimes very gifted actors - go about feigning genuine humanity, i.e.: "In real movies, it's all on purpose. I suppose what I like in porno is the accident of it.

When I read this, all I could think is this is how I watch Kobe Bryant interviews (for clarity's sake: pants steadily fastened). In my pantheon of people who I'd gush over if they spoke to (at) me, Kobe ranks miles above the rest. In sizing up my collection of flawed idols, Brett Favre is a recovered painkiller addict and breakup nightmare. The Mars Volta is obnoxiously operatic in between their luminous glints. Obama may be a secret Muslim terrorist. Kobe may escaped Colorado rape charges via some ancient, legal alchemy (she asked for it?)... but he's not just an acquitted rapist he's my acquitted rapist.



As a professional athlete, rehearsing the rehearsal and shirking candor for palatable soundbites are the cost of doing mega-business. If I were a global icon whose persona was going to be equated to the product I was trying to sell, does it help to be cool or act relevant? The point is to move some shoes off the shelves.

Coming full circle to the Harold Hecuba story, I get that detective. I watch Kobe's interviews, parsing and sifting for the man behind the renovated billboard who just happens to be the most polarizing, basketball artist of the 00s. It doesn't matter where you slot him among the titans. All you need to know is that he stands shoulder to shoulder with them.
.


I just wish he had the persona to match the improvisation, the body control/release, and the monomaniacal pursuit of excellence. It just isn't there. But that's unfair. Who doesn't lead a double life? Who doesn't have a work-voice they shuffle on and off when the phone rings at the office?



If excellence in arts is subjective (to the uninitiated), basketball, with its own cultural statements, stories and masters, should be too. The odds are long that your favorite player on your favorite team is arguably the best at his craft, so maybe I should just consider myself and stop thinking so hard about it.

With fandom as a crutch, you can rationalize your love for anyone. Is it too much to ask that your inner child's hero isn't also kind of a dick? I say no. So do these gents.

Peeking Out From the Shadows

Long enough to post this. Because misery loves company, and I am miserable.

It's Not Fair to Do This, But I Will

I've been cruising around NBA sites looking for reactions on the Gasol trade to the Lakers and, despite what the working 11% of my brain tells me, I inevitably scroll down to the comments thread. That's where I found these three gems.



Now, in reverse order...

#11 - The fact that it's in all caps really completes the image of a wide-eyed child yelling this into an adult's face. When you add in the fact that he "dared" you to say Kobe isn't the best, and that "even Lebron admitted in on t.v.," I'm thinking you need to be THIS tall to use the internet.

#10 - Let's not be petty and pick and punctuation or spelling mistakes, but I love the hard stop --> new line, "I a Huge boston fan" where only "Huge" is capitalized. Like I always say, I don't understand stupid, but it amuses.

#9 - This just made me laugh. James lacks reading comprehension skills. For just a dollar a day, you can sponsor his reading tutor...

Pau Pau Power Wheels!!!

Lakers Trade Kwame Brown for Grizzlies' Pau Gasol. (emphasis mine)

Simple Math: Phil Jackson > Oprah

Mike Bresnahan of the L.A. Times sums up the annual unofficial Laker Book Club:

Jackson handed out a book of individual significance to each player, something he does annually before a long trip. Unlike recent years, though, Jackson was secretive when asked which book he gave to each player.

Some of the Lakers willingly volunteered what books they received, although Kwame Brown declined to comment and Kobe Bryant said he couldn't remember.

"What book did he give me? I don't know," Bryant said. "That's on the back burner for me. I'm still reading my 'Harry Potter' series from first to seven. It kind of gets pushed to the back. 'Chamber of Secrets' comes first."

Lamar Odom was given "Cinnamon Kiss," Derek Fisher got "The Wedding," and Walton received "We Were Soldiers Once . . . and Young."

Jordan Farmar was given a book called "Shortcomings."

Geez, I hope Kobe is joking here. Kids, this is why you should go to college.

Take a Picture

Los Angeles Lakers: First place in the Western Conference. After losing Bynum for eight weeks with a dislocated knee and deep bone bruise in his kneecap, I don't expect that they'll stay here.



But don't forget, that there was once a time when you, elated, believed the sky was the limit for this team.

Saturday Afternoon Retrospective

The Packers celebrated their first playoff win since 2003, a blowout to return to the NFC championship game and one game away from the Super Bowl. It's been ten, mostly mediocre years since their last trip to the Super Bowl in 1997, but the journey this year has been a delight. I'll let pictures tell the story of a big win at storied Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin, in the frozen tundra.


Aaron Kampman celebrating a big W.


Little used rookie Brandon Jackson turns the corner on a sad Seattle Seahawk


Green Bay's football jesus was on target all day long.


A celebration is in order.

Maybe One Day...

I'll have the pennies to see this in person.

It May Be My Name of the Month

But good luck finding "Jamario" on this thing called the Baby Name Wizard's NameVoyager. Nice time waster. I could make a post a day from all the dormant bookmarks in my firefox.

Lakers vs. Suns: Game 3 Review

A gentleman named Nate Jones writes for The Fanhouse, and I thought his top-ten explanation of game three was right on.

Top Ten Reasons The Lakers Beat the Suns
10) Hustle and Desire: After going down by seventeen points in the first quarter, it would have been easy for the Lakers to stop playing and to get run off on their home floor by the Suns. I mean that's what most people expected to happen in the first place. For the first time in a long time the Lakers actually played hard on both ends of the floor. They ran after every loose ball, contested every shot, and played a physical brand of ball. Last night, guys like Smush Parker left their egos at the door, and just went out and played hard. That's all Lakers fans have ever wanted. If you play hard and lose, fans can live with it. It's when you lose without giving it your all that fans start to get upset.

9) Lamar Odom: No one ever wants to give this guy any credit, but he's the reason they almost won game 1 and definitely a big reason why they won game 3. No, he's not ever going to be a 20ppg scorer. But he is going to score around 15-16 points, get at least 10 boards, and then play great all around defense. I wish people would stop trying to make him into something he's not. He's never going to be a 20 ppg scorer, but he is always going to be someone that fills up the box score in an invaluable way. The most impressive part about Lamar Odom at this point is that he's playing like this despite all of the adversity he has had to overcome this season. Right now he's playing with a bad shoulder and a bad knee. As well, he still has a heavy heart from the death of his infant son. Yet he's still out there giving it his all. You have to respect that.

8) They Ran Their Offense: When most people talk about the Lakers problems they focus on the defensive end. But a lot of the Lakers problems on the defensive end stem from their problems on the offensive side of the ball. When they run their offense correctly, and shoot good shots, it makes it more difficult for teams to run on them. Over the last month or so, it's been hand the ball off to Kobe and watch him go to work. This game they decided to get everyone involved, which helped them on both sides of the ball.

7) Kwame Brown: Did Kwame Brown have the game of his life or what? I've never seen the guy be as aggressive in a game before. Kwame's never really had a problem getting to the rim. His problem has always been finishing around the rim. With is small hands, Kwame is usually the king of air balling open lay ups (Before Kwame, I didn't even know it was possible to do that). Last night, he finally figured out that if he goes up with two hands and dunks the ball, it's pretty difficult for teams to stop him. As well, he actually didn't wuss out after twisting his ankle. And people say it was better for the Lakers to miss the playoffs. Even if they do lose the series (which they probably will), I still think they are better off for making the playoffs. The experience that young players like Brown get playing from playing in the playoffs is too invaluable to pass up.

6) They Controlled the Paint and the Boards: The Lakers have been talking about pounding it inside all series long, and last night they finally did it. On the offensive side of the ball, the Lakers finally decided to exploit match ups. In the post, the Lakers cause many match up problems for the smallish Suns. If the Suns exploit the lack of foot speed, it's up to the Lakers to come back and exploit the Suns lack of size. I mean, the Suns start a 6'7" power forward and a 6'9" center, so they are not very intimidating inside. Pounding the ball inside also gives the Lakers an advantage because the Lakers also have an advantage in offensive rebounding. If the Lakers pound the ball inside and attack the rim, even if they miss, one of their bigs is likely to clean it up. As well, pounding the ball inside increases the likelihood that they will get fouled and have an opportunity to shoot free throws. Look at the Lakers free throw advantage last night. It wasn't because of some conspiracy to help the Lakers win. It was mostly because the Lakers controlled the paint and were aggressive in attacking the rim.

5) They Covered the Three Point Shooters at All Costs: The Lakers tried to contest every single three point shot last night. In this game they were aware of the three point shooters, and chased them off of the three point line. Other than Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire (when his jumper is on), the Suns are a terrible mid range shooting team. Those guys either want to shoot three pointers or get lay ups. So it's almost better to contest a three point shot and then give up a mid-range shot than it is to contest a mid range shot and then give up a three. Especially with how deadly the Suns shooters are from long range.

4) Kobe Bryant: Kobe Bryant had a bounce in his step last night that I haven't seen in a long time. Instead of settling for jump shots, he attacked the rim like he did in his younger days. For a second, I thought we were back in 2003, where Bryant attacked the rim the way Dwyane Wade does today. People talk about Kobe not being a leader, but last night you could see that he has truly evolved into one. He was encouraging players, setting up teammates, and directing the offense. As Sam Cassell said last night: "He might not be Michael Jordan, but he ain't no Harold Miner either. He's the best we've got today." Hating on Kobe Bryant is soooo 2004.

3) They Attacked Amare Stoudemire: Everyone keeps saying that the Lakers can't pound the ball inside against the Suns this season because Amare Stoudemire is back in the line up. As Phil Jackson stated before last nights game, that is definitely an incorrect way of thinking. Amare Stoudemire is a good help defender, but a terrible one on one defender. Amare is the kind of guy that is more worried about staying the game so he can dunk on cats than playing aggressive one on one defense that might cause him to pick up fouls. Plus he's only 6'9". A big guy with long arms and a wide body is always going to be difficult for him to guard one on one. Last night the Lakers exploited Amare's lack of size with Kwame Brown and took advantage of his tendency to roam on defense by finding his man for open dunks every single time he came to help on a shot.

2) They Contained Steve Nash and Leandro Barbosa: Barbosa and Nash KILLED the Suns in the first two games. In game 3 it was obvious that the Lakers had game planned well for Barbosa and Nash. First they covered Barbosa with the quicker Shammond Williams. Unlike Smush Parker, Williams doesn't have a tendency to gamble. Gambling for steals on a guy like Barbosa (as proved in the first two games) can be deadly. That's why a more conservative defender like Williams worked out better for the Lakers in this game. As for Nash, their game plan of switch and trapping on high screen and rolls totally threw him off of his game. Usually defenders are always back peddling when they play Nash. In this game, the Lakers were attacking him before he could make a move. Nash's is goal is to get in the lane and cause havoc, but in this game, I can't really recall him getting into the lane more than a few times.

1) They Controlled the Tempo: Outside of containing Nash and Barbosa, the Lakers number one concern should always be controlling the tempo. And last night the Lakers did a great job of it. It's very difficult for the Suns to win games when they are held under 100 points. I mean, if the Lakers hadn't gone completely cold in the fourth quarter of game one, they probably would have defeated the Suns in that game too. Why? Because the Suns are vulnerable when they aren't scoring at a fast pace. Continuing to continuing to shoot intelligent shots, while controlling the boards, and the paint will help the Lakers keep the tempo in their favor.

If they can repeat enough of this in game four, we could be looking at a 2-2 series tie. In a remaining best of three games series...I don't know. Maybe I am starting to believe.

But if they Lakers come out, lay an egg, and go down 3-1...I'm calling them dead in the water.

L.A. Sports Update

First, the bad news. The Dodgers were swept at home for the first time in five years by the hated Giants. I guess it's a good thing I didn't go to the game tonight, as there are probably some seriously bent Dodger fans in the parking lot of Dodger Stadium looking for someone to shoot. Overall, the Dodger outlook is still looking good, but they're going to need Rafael Furcal to start hitting soon. I know he's notoriously bad in April and that he's coming off an injury, but they need his offense.

On the bright side, the Lakers got off the mat in their playoff series with the Suns. They are still serious underdogs to win in this series, and if they lose their next game at home and go down 3-1, the series is all but over. Then again, if they win the next one and tie it up and 2-2, it becomes a best of three series... and I suppose anything could happen.

The Suns are really freaking good, though. There's really no reason they should need to let this series go to 7 games, outside of a serious injury to one of their big 6. Any casual basketball fan should be following this series closely as it has the most entertaining, uptempo offense in the NBA (the Suns) against the most talented player in the NBA (Kobe Bryant).

Making It Rain

What do you get when you mix Nelly, Jermaine Dupri, Tennessee Titan's cornerback Pacman Jones, NBA All-Star weekend in Las Vegas, the "Minxx" gentleman's club, and a trashbag filled with $81,000 in cash? A visual effect known as "making it rain," a paralyzed bouncer, and 3 people getting shot.



In all seriousness, could this guy be any more of a poser? You throw your money around on a stripper's stage, to show how little it means to you. But when one of the dancers working for said dollars tries to grab some during the post-dance grovel/squat, you grab her by the hair and smash her against the stage? For taking the money you were only pretending to not care about?

Finals Update and Other Thoughts from the Valley

I like to think of my time studying in my old room in my parent's house as my Thoreau-lite attempt to hole up in Walden Woods. Except that instead of Walden Pond there's that weird coy pond my dad built with the little virgin Mary statue affixed. Instead of Concord cabin, I've got my bedroom full of my mother's bedroom furniture from last year that she hasn't figured out who to pawn off on. Instead of writing a subtle social critique of the western world, I'm trying to distill 150 years of evidence law into a 20 page outline, all the while trying to shut my wii's siren song from the living room.

Well, it was a lot more Thoreau like when I thought of it this morning in bed. I'm sure he ate a lot of tamales, too.

Other thoughts:

- Efforts to stave off apathy with regards to my last final are fading fast. The only thing I feel prepared for right now is the weak grip of disappointment after I turn in a scantron covered with way too many consecutive Cs marked. If anyone's not planning on using their upcoming Christmas miracle, please overnight it to my apartment. Must be postmarked by December 18, 2006 which is... crap.
- Friday night, I went to a Lakers game with Josh, my brother, and my mom. It was a first for my mom, who is a surprisingly involved (albeit fairweather) fan. Someone was generous enough to give us their luxury suite tickets. Free food, drinks, beer, wine, a brush with the owner of the team, and a idyllic view of the court. Mix in a double overtime win over a team with a 7'6'' chinaman, and you've got yourself a memorable night.

My Bizarro Life: Guest-Starring My Imagined Creative Talents

Question: If you were to do something different with you life and time, money, and talent were of no consequence, what would you be?

JV's Answer: Comic Strip Humorist. If only I wasn't in the red for $100,000+. And could draw. By comic strip humorist, I mean less like Garfield and more like this stuff below. This is hands-down the most AMAZING intersection of lined paper, anthropomorphism, and basketball since... since I don't know. Since they did the storyboards for Space Jam, starring Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny.

The Competitive Style Guide for Basketball Players.

Style Guide for Gilbert Arenas.

Style Guide for Tim Duncan.

Linked from freedarko.blogspot.com. Note: if it's too small to read, click on it to magnify the image.

Game Blog: Lakers v. Pacers

Here's my hackneyed attempt at a game blog of tonight's Lakers game. I'm just feeling spunky because I finished my Children & the Law outline for Thursday's final a few days early and want to try something new.

First Quarter
- Kwame Brown flat out dominated Jermaine O'Neal, on offense and defense. Maybe it was Bynum taking a few starts away from him that pumped him up, but Kwame is playing excellent ball, making quick moves in the post and playing tough position defense, using his size to keep guys out of their comfortable spots on the box. O'Neal didn't get anything going in the first quarter and got into foul trouble quickly.





















I don't care for Jermaine O'Neal. Heavy favorite
to win the Chris Webber Tries to Look Tough But
Has a Loser Face Award.

- What helped Kwame is that the team has much improved its entry passes, which helped cut down on turnovers. Kobe had some fantastic assist passes to go with his usual acrobatic prowess going to the rim. Throw in his lock-down defense on Stephen Jackson and you'd think you were watching Kobe of 2002 out there.

Second Quarter
- Pacers get back into the game running pick and roll with Jasikevicius (from here on out, SJ) and some guy named Baston. It worked well because SJ is much taller than Jordan and is a deadly perimeter shooter. This worked 3 times in a row, but then Carlisle stopped going to this play for some reason.
- Bynum had an awful quarter, picking up two offensive fouls trying to get into position in the paint and regularly failing to stop or alter any shots after the Pacers penetrated into the paint.
- Lamar should have taken a bigger offensive role with Kobe and Luke on the bench, but in fairness to him, the Bynum/Farmar/Radmanovich/Evans crew is pretty inexperienced.
- Reggie Miller is in the stands with a Bruins cap on. Graphic says he's 12th all time on the scoring list? Who knew. He's not just a starter on my all-time ugly team. The guy's a bonafide hall-of-fame ugly squader.
- Farmar with a couple nice defensive plays, including a nice steal + fast break. He's still a pretty solid finisher like he was at UCLA, even if he sometimes makes dumb midair passes to the other team.
- Lamar is fantastic at getting rebounds in traffic, especially by tipping them to himself. The guy is downright unstoppable driving to the rack with his left.
- Team goes on a 16-2 run when the starters go back in and the team is up 20+ at halftime. The eastern conference really is terrible.

So terrible that I think I'm just going to go ahead and not blog the second half of this game. I'd rather just fire up the wii, whose review is still forthcoming. It probably goes without saying, but if you sell 600,000+ in 8 days, the reviews are probably going to be good.